July 1, 2017
RealzTenisFanz Sorting Hat Song
Oh you may think that we are petty,
But do judge us on what you’ll hear.
For I have no doubt you’ll find
A better tennis podcast here or there
You can keep the other podcasts.
Your ESPN, Tennis Channel or illegal streams
For none of them can boast
Of ever having Realz, Janina or Andreen
We break it down like no other,
Giving you all the tea and drama.
When the others bow to sponsors
We just say hellz no with that bullshit matter
So another live podcast for you Realz Fanz,
Which as always will make you splutter.
For the theme of this major’s draw livecast
Is none other than Harry Potter.
We will divide up your faves by Houses,
Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff Gryffindors.
But yall know some can’t be sorted
As they are really silly, duds and bores
There will be trolls, goblins and giants
Not forgetting house elves too like Dobby
But since they were modelled after slaves you see
We will not/cannot pick anybody
Is Divadal Gryffindor as Murray plays Hufflepuff?
Will Novak be Slytherin to Roger refulgent Ravenclaw?
Who will take Garbina, Caro, Simona or Vika Azarenka?
Do Kerber even get sorted when she’s crashing out the draw
This is Wimbledon grass you know
The oldest tennis tournament on the planet
But we don’t care for the traditions
As we want our faves to win gosh darnit
So pull out your sorcerer/philosopher's stone and your goblet of fire
Don’t be an Azkaban prisoner in some secret chamber
We are the Phoenix Order with a Realz half blood prince
As I hope our deathly hallows bring you no stranger danger